adamichael

10 things to always remember for Christmas: By Adam Barr

1: Get your ugly Christmas sweaters early. they go fast. And if you can’t find one at Goodwill, Old Navy sweaters are pretty ugly as well.

2: Mistletoe doesn’t exist. It’s just a by-product of movies, advertising and punch-lines. Be honest, when was the last time you actually saw mistletoe?

3: Those old claymation movies are great, but stay away from the little drummer boy- unless your creeped-out tolerance is pretty high.

4: If the eggnog is non alcoholic, you’re wasting your time. And your calorie count.

5: It’s cooler not to decorate, than to decorate with blue lights.

6: Gingerbread houses are lame. Any put-together cookie that you can’t eat is lame.

7: Don’t try the cheese ball. They only come around once a year for a reason.

8: Santa doesn’t exist.

9: If you’re going to quote Will Ferrel’s “Elf”, please do it in moderation.

10: On second thought, don’t quote “Elf”. It’s really annoying unless he does it.

I just wrote this. Enjoy.

alexkarpicke:

“The Tortoise, The Rabbit, The Toad”

The Tortoise, the Rabbit, the Toad
walked and hopped down the road.
The Rabbit was first,
The Tortoise was last.
In the middle was the silly old Toad.

I asked as I passed, “Toad, why do you stay
in the middle and no other place?”
The answer he gave me, so smart and so wise
brought an elephant-sized smile to my face.

He said, “Dear boy, if a coyote should come
to eat up the three that you see,
he will come from the front, or he’ll come from the back,
and neither place he shall see me.”

And so he hopped on, sandwiched, so safely,
between the too fast and too slow.
I thought, as I walked, again down the road,
“Toad is the smartest I know.”

Human logic says stay inside. Clearly the three women outside value their cigarette more than their logic.

Rich Rod Compared Michigan's Season to Hurricane Katrina

jschlosser:

Since that’s so bad, here are some other ones he probably had in his back pocket.

Please don’t be offended. We’re just showing the ridiculousness of what Rich Rod said, showing how inappropriate it was.

From Bill and Jon and Adam and Alex.

7. “I felt like our team was Michael Jackson. We had better records in the 90s.”

6. “Our season was like slavery. We were in great physical shape, but we just got whipped.”

5. “I felt like we were on the Challenger. We got our heads up in the clouds and then everything blew up.”

4. “We were like Martin Luther; our only big win was against the Catholics.”

3. “I felt like everyone else’s defense was Bill Clinton: they just kept on denying scores.”

2. “Our season was like Princess Diana dying. We just had some really bad drives there are the end.”

1. “We were like Abe Lincoln. We just couldn’t finish a play.” (Thanks, Jim Rome)

Summer ---> Winter

Iced Tea ——>Chai Tea

Ale——>Porter

Short Sleeve——>Long Sleeve over Short Sleeve

Beards—->Bigger Beards

Tailgating——->Tailgating the right way

Sigur Ros——->Sigur Ros

Peace and quiet——>Dick Vitale

I'm not afraid to say it...

“The Christmas Song,” by Alvin and the Chipmunks, is the worst song ever.